Editor’s note: The following testimonial was written in the ‘discussion’ section of the Wikipedia “Medical Cannabis” page. It had been removed, deemed inappropriate. This is the reality for many people who need and illegally use this herb:
I was diagnosed ten years ago with mental illness due to physical ABUSE suffered as a child and emotional and sexual abuse suffered in my 14 year marriage. My diagnosis was panic attacks with associated psychosis, social anxiety disorder, agoraphobia, claustrophobia, post traumatic stress syndrome and GAD (general anxiety disorder). GAD doesn’t sound so bad, I thought, yet I was told it was every anxiety order that there is, all rolled into one. WOW! My psychologist also told me in her 35 years of practice I had suffered more trauma than ANY patient she had treated. WOW AGAIN! I knew I felt completely broken and could no longer work. I actually could not leave the house (my parents) or even get in the shower due to paralyzing fear. I sat in a bedroom in my parents house, staring at the TV or out the window without being there in my mind. I just went away to nowhere. When I did come back to the world to eat or go out of the room, I was in a panic and cried with the grief of someone that had just experienced the death of a loved one.
I have never written about this and I know it is hard to understand unless you have experienced a similar disorder yourself.
My point is this: Marijuana saved my life!!! I was given every antidepressant and anti psychotic that there is and had terrible adverse reactions to all of them. Of course my doctors did not believe me at first, but as time went on they could see that it was true. Thank God for blessing me with the best doctors in the world, because they did really listen to me. They saw my behavior and finally treated me with an anti anxiety drug. This helped somewhat, but I had to be given such large doses to be able to function out in society, the government would not allow this. Finally I smoked a joint of marijuana and the world looked and felt different. It felt right. It wasn’t my first time. I had smoked pot in high school, just as I had drank alcohol.
It was different now, mixed with my anti anxiety drug Ativan the world didn’t seem quite so frightening. Soon I was able to get into the shower without having a panic attack. I could go outside and walk around the yard (for short periods). Slowly, day by day, with marijuana and one pharmaceutical I am able to feel again. Sometimes good, still mostly bad, BUT I AM ALIVE AGAIN, without being terrified. And I was getting better every day. Then one day I was busted for a quarter of an ounce of marijuana. I am now looking at jail time. I cannot do this! I am back in my previous state of mind, only worse. Needless to say I do not live in California. But if I live through this (which seems doubtful now, I have had one suicide attempt). Living without marijuana, and being locked up are not options for me, that leaves only one other option, depending on my court outcome (which I am afraid to wait for, because then it will be too late). What do I do? How can I live through this. I am scared to death, literally. And over such a stupid, petty little thing!!!!!! I have never hurt anyone, I was only helping myself to live. How can the government be so ignorant? Sorry, stupid question. I have nothing left to say, except that marijuana SHOULD BE LEGALIZED!
Editor’s footnote: Because it was so daunting, I choose to remove the very last part of this testimony, dated 14 October 2010. I later realized it is not fair to this person, so…
“GOODBYE. SEE YOU ON THE OTHER SIDE!” was the last thing written.