DEA’s chilling prediction: medical marijuana will fill your yard with stoned, cuddly rabbits

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This is the Alfalfapocalypse.

Tell me about the rabbits. Oh wait, I’m a rabbit. Cool. (stock photo)

Utah may pass a bill to legalize medical marijuana for certain medical conditions. Of course, in a state where many of the residents are teetotal for religious reasons, this is bound to be controversial. Most of the anti-cannabis arguments are the same ones as always: that it corrupts the youth, that it’s a gateway drug, and that growing it is bad for the environment. But Matt Fairbanks, a special agent with the Drug Enforcement Administration, and a member of the state’s “marijuana eradication team,” brought up a new concern at a Utah Senate panel.

Fairbanks is convinced that wild rabbits will eat the medical marijuana being grown in the state, and lose their fear of humans. Imagine the horror of Utah’s beautiful landscape being overrun with friendly rabbits that won’t run away from you, even if you approach and cuddle them. Also, the two of you are sharing a doob.

I’m not going to say that Fairbanks doesn’t make some good points. Obviously any kind of marijuana legalization needs to be regulated, and the growing operations have to be maintained in a safe way. But he kind of undermined his own argument by introducing a doomsday scenario that is also the ultimate stoner fantasy. He might as well have said the medical marijuana will lead to fields of Reese’s Cup plants.

Even if you’ve never smoked marijuana, the idea of stoned rabbits is a delight. Check it out:

I could hop anywhere. But also, nowhere?


My ears feel, like, so floppy right now.


Oh God, everybody knows I’m stoned.


Keep cool. It’s a duck. Just act like everything’s normal.

Via Happy Place


2 thoughts on “DEA’s chilling prediction: medical marijuana will fill your yard with stoned, cuddly rabbits

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